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The Official Snagajob Popcorn Procedure

It is a well-known fact that dielectric heating is inferior to thermal conduction in the production of popcorn. But instead of cooking it properly, Snaggers have been observed attempting to expose their popcorn to non-ionizing RF radiation in the 2.45 GHz band in a futile attempt to produce something that passes as a tasty snack. So for the benefit of all, here is the Official Snagajob Popcorn Procedure.

Those Snaggers wishing to make popcorn are advised to use the Official Snagajob Popcorn Procedure (OSPP) listed below.

1. Approach the Popcorn Production System ("popper") and fully open the upper left and right doors and the lower access tray.

2. Open the top covers of the Popcorn Expansion Chamber ("kettle") and visually inspect the interior to verify it is empty. If left-over popcorn is discovered, grasp the red actuator handle and rotate the Popcorn Expansion Chamber 90 degrees counter-clockwise to empty it.

3. Use the Manually-Actuated Popcorn Agitation Device ("scoop") and remove any left-over kernels from the interior of the Popcorn Production System. If necessary, empty the Low-level Kernel Retention System ("pull-out tray").

4. On the Popcorn Production System control panel, actuate the Illumination System Switch ("light", the switch on the left) to the "1" position. Verify that the interior lamp and floor heater are functioning.

5. Open the top cover of the Popcorn Expansion Chamber and pour in the required amount of Thermal Transfer / Flavoring Compound ("orange goo") according to the chart below:

Requirement

Amount of TT/FC needed

Minimum for safe operation 2 Tablespoons
Official Snagajob Recipe 5 Tablespoons
Maximum amount 1/2 inch below the rim of the PEC

 

6. On the Popcorn Production System control panel, actuate the Agitation System Switch ("stirrer", the switch in the middle) and the Thermal Induction System ("heater", switch on the right) to the "1" position.

7. Wait three (3) minutes for the Thermal Transfer / Flavoring Compound to come up to operating temperature.

8. Add two (2) scoops of popcorn the Popcorn Expansion Chamber and close the lid. NOTE: Popcorn expansion will take place approximately five minutes after this step is complete.

9. Fully close the upper left and right doors and the lower access tray of the Popcorn Production System.

10. Listen to the frequency of the popcorn expansion. Expansion is complete when there is a 3-4 second pause between concussive reports ("pops").

11. When expansion is complete, actuate the Agitation System Switch and the Thermal Induction System Switch to the "0" position.

12. Grasp the red actuator handle and rotate the Popcorn Expansion Chamber 90 degrees counter-clockwise to empty it. CAUTION: The Popcorn Expansion Chamber will be hot.

13. Use the Manually-Actuated Popcorn Agitation Device and agitate the popcorn such that any un-expanded kernels are deposited in the Low-level Kernel Retention System.

14. Use the Manually-Actuated Popcorn Agitation Device and evenly distribute the kernels on the floor of the Popcorn Production System.

15. Apply an even coating of Salinity Control Compound ("salt") over the top of the popcorn. WARNING: Do not disturb the popcorn in any way after this step is completed. Withdrawal of expanded popcorn kernels at this point is not authorized.

16. Repeat steps 1 - 12 of this procedure one more time and then continue to step 17.

17. Use the Manually-Actuated Popcorn Agitation Device and evenly distribute the kernels on the floor of the Popcorn Production System.

18. Apply an even coating of Salinity Control Compound over the top of the popcorn.

19. Use the Manually-Actuated Popcorn Agitation Device and agitate the popcorn such that any un-expanded kernels are deposited in the Low-level Kernel Retention System.

20. Use the Manually-Actuated Popcorn Agitation Device to move the popcorn into the Portable Popcorn Containment Unit ("bag"). CAUTION: Do not overfill the PPCU or popcorn may fall on the floor and be wasted.

21. When the Popcorn Production System no longer contains enough popcorn to adequately fill any more Portable Popcorn Containment Units, actuate the Illumination System Switch to the "0" position. Verify that the interior lamp has gone out.

22. Close all the access doors on the Popcorn Production System.